i am not sure what i am even trying to accomplish writing this out. I know I am not worthy of anyones compassion. I am a horrible person. i do horrible, dumb things. why would most people want to talk to me anymore? i understand that. i wish I could be different. i wish i could be normal. I don’t feel like the right kind of survivor. when i see others reach out to people from their past they get a “that’s brave” “great job” but I’m met with annoyance and disdain. maybe I am a rotten soul that repulses people. maybe i am just worthless. it’s hard to not believe the words of the person who abused me. everything he ever said about me was true. i AM worthless. i AM pathetic. i don’t deserve anyones care or compassion. i wish he would have just finished what he started and ended me back then.
my intention in reaching out to someone from my past who hurt me was to tell them about something i needed to get off my chest. of course all he wanted was sexual shit… then i’m told how wrong i am for it. From him, from fellow survivors. i never wanted it to turn into that. i just wanted to heal. I wanted to get it off my chest. But now people don’t even talk to me anymore- I can only assume they think im stupid and don’t want to be my friend anymore. it’s difficult to see others open up about doing similar things and being told how great they are for it. maybe I’m just repulsive. I understand.
i ruin everything i come close to. I’m sorry for being so awful and letting everyone down
Edited by marcyabadeer
Everybody’s full of sugar honey ice and tea 🤷🏻♀️