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I feel swallowed by shame.

I don't understand how I have managed to survive for this long. I don't mean that in a bad way, the amount of trauma I've had is just hitting me hard. A lot of the time I feel numb to how bad things really were.

It doesn't feel real. That kid getting yelled at, watching holes get punched in walls, getting raped... I know her, but she doesn't feel like me.

I don't know how to process how violated and dehumanized I feel.

I feel like trash. Worthless. I want to cry, but I don't feel real enough to make it happen. I feel repulsive. Disgusting. I want to throw my body into a meat grinder. I feel like a bloody pile of shredded inflamed skin and crushed bones.

It hurts so much. Like a punch to the gut that never ends.

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You have written words that express my thoughts, feelings, and gut wrenching internal truth. I dont know what to say in support other than I see you, I understand and you are not alone 💛 B

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