bby me: "Hi. Yes I think I did, but this time I wasn't holding It back like I always do. Tears are meant to be shown, I am supposed to cry when I'm supposed to cry. I think that's why It's been so long since you cried big sis...because when you had the opportunity you'd never let It happen. I know how you feel, I felt embarrassed too, to cry In front of everyone...believe It or not there's so much shame In crying for women as well...everyone really...
When people cry they say "I'm sorry", that's why you say It remember? and you never question why either, It's like you want to be 'polite' as everyone else has taught you to be by apologizing for something so fair and natural that you don't even bother to think If you actually mean what you say. You used to just cry....you'd let me...now It's time to let me out again and re-built our thinking-process to-um....PRO-CRYING!! or whatever.... I know maybe the people around you won't understand that but It's not about them. If you know they're going to make It worse you could find the nearest bathroom or call a friend and tell them. Just because the place Isn't friendly doesn't mean YOU'RE the one that has to keep It In...crying Is like, sleeping or, eating. It just needs to happen sometimes. See? younger-you might know a thing or two about what you want.
I actually don't want to talk about what happened yet, I'm still processing from the discussion my brother and I had and I feel like I need time to reflect on It. Now that I'm able to have that space (as you tell me I was always worth having) I'm gonna use It. I don't need to actively think about It, I just need to process my feelings, be within my body and Identify what feels out of balance, sleep/eat/take care of myself and all that jazz. THEN, I can start having a clearer head on what happened because, right now I'm just upset and tired. My state needs to be better so I can do better (for myself)."
Old me: "That's alright kiddo, you tell me whatever you want, whenever you want. If It never comes up then It doesn't, I just want you to feel safe and ready, sleep my little one"