I am feeling the heaviness again. It comes to me in cycles and it grips me and it weighs me down and it feels inescapable.
I am trying to hold on to hope but life can be so difficult sometimes, it can feel so hopeless.
I'm not working currently but my bills keep piling up, I'm still waiting to hear back on a job that I thought I had gotten but they haven't said much else and I'm just waiting to start working again, desperate for it because I am so broke. I'm in school but I've suddenly lost all motivation for it. Thinking of doing assignments makes me feel so exhausted. Some days I can hardly get out of bed let alone write a paper. I wish that my hope was easier to access. That I had a better way of coping so that I could drag myself out of these heavy moments but honestly it doesn't feel like that's possible anymore. In these moments I do not feel human.
I know this will pass and I will feel the warmth of motivation and hope and happiness again. But while I wait for this cold darkness to pass, it feels eternal and I feel so small.