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Old me: "My little one, why are you crying?"

sk8er

Entry posted by sk8er in Upset ·

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Little me: "I don't like when people talk down to me, petty me, feel sorry for me. My dad always lets me win and then denies It...my brother has done that a few times too. It makes me feel like I'm not smart enough, like I can't do things by myself. Yes, losing can be upsetting, but I like losing better than people feeling like I need to be pushed.

Older me Is working a new job and It's really hard on her, sometimes It wears her out completely, I don't know how she got there, I would be so scared...I think deep down she's scared too. Scared of people, of failing, of 'jinxing' things. But although she had to face her consequences when she made mistakes, she's been able to face them better, knowing that her value Isn't there, but In who she Is. She's really strong but I've had a hard time feeling like It...I say this because, there are very few little times during the week when she can rest, space her mind, do what she wants and, although our father Is really difficult, she still tries when I'd given up In fixing things with him, Older me tells me she doesn't blame me, she says he's a narcissist and that she still doesn't feel completely at ease when he's around but, appriciates the little things, like, playing chess, only this time Older me was too tired so I came out. I was angry and upset, not because I lost (although that was disappointing) but because our father kept explaining us how to play when we've played a million times, he would make fun of us for not 'thinking things through or right' and I was not okay with It. If It's just a game then let It be just that, Older me wasn't at her best or using all of her focus on It, she works 8 hours a day, she's tired, we just wanted to have some fun but he ruined It, again.

Older me Is accepting me more and more now, so I can cry. I can cry for people acting like Idiots and makng us feel like one. She's concerned about how much tears are coming out but, I really want to tell her that It's been a loooong time since they came out, and that I won't take this chance for granted. If I have to cry like a river I will".

Old me: "I love you kiddo, I'll give you the space you need to cry, cry all you want, It's our nature"

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Friendlylife

Sk8ter, I'm sorry your dad is like that, your right it is just a game, and u shouldn't feel that way at all, u tried your best just to spend time with your dad, but instead of him just enjoying his time with you, he turns the experience into something bad. You are strong, and I hope that things will get better for you. Because your emotions matter and I hope that u understand, that Just because We make mistakes or anything, that does not define you, at all. Just because, u make mistakes or don't remember the rules of the game, it doesn't mean that you're not smart. it just means you are human, and some things just need more practice thing others. When I was around my mom, she always called me stupid, dumb, and other horrible things to me, and I use to internalize those awful words. But, I soon learned that being the way I am, makes me amazing, and I like everything about me, and Just because I don't understand things, it don't mean that I'm worthless or anything like that. Same for you. Your not thoses bad things your dad said to you, Your amazing just the way your are. And I hope that you truly feel amazing about yourself. sometimes it might be hard to believe those good things, that you tell yourself. but once you realize how amazing you are, then no one can tell you anything different. Because the Fact is, that your unique and amazing just the way you are even with your flaws. because our flaws makes us who we are. HERE A Quote:  EVEN WITH YOUR FLAWS, I STILL SEE A MASTERPIECE.  I hope this quote, would help you see yourself in a better way. I  hope that my words help you in some way too. and I also hope that everything works out with your Job too. 

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