today i went to the counseling center and got waitlisted until the end of the year, possibly even next year. so that was pointless. I went to the dining hall for the first time since it happened. i was paranoid the whole time and i couldn't relax. i was on edge the whole time. i felt like i was on the look out the whole time. i had to leave because i felt sick. i ended up having an anxiety attack when i got back to my room. but i tried. i really did. im trying to make big steps in little time because i am tired of living like this. i want to go to the gym and workout til i pass out to get my anger out. running helps but i live in a dangerous place now so i cant go running by myself. i am so tired. of everything.