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19/06/2021


forestmistheather

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So I'm involved in a relationship for like the first time in years - over a decade.  I've stayed well clear of men since my r*pe.  But Idk, he seems kinda nice.  But I'm freaking out about the sex side of things.  He's gonna want sex and I don't know that I can.  The only thing that comes to mind when I think of sex is how disgusting and painful and that no-one could possibly look past what happened to me and see me as clean.  I can't see me as clean.  So how do I cope with it?  How do I enjoy it again?  How do I feel safe?  Urgh!  How do I even have a conversation with him about all my hang-ups?  How do I explain how crippled this whole damn r*pe has left me physically and emotionally without scaring him off?  It seems impossible, especially for someone as insecure and introverted as me.

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