How’s it going? How are you? I miss you guys! Comment below and tell me how you’re doing 😊
I don’t have much to say today, but I wanted to share a few things with you! Snowmageddon in Oklahoma has given me a lot of time to myself to just THINK. Honestly, things have been going pretty well lately. I’ve hit a few bumps in the road as one does, but overall, I can’t really complain.
Snowmageddon killed my car which sucked. I was without a car for about 5 days because the cold zapped my battery! We have had NEGATGIVE temperatures this past week. It’s been crazy times for the south. But I now have a new battery and a working vehicle so I’m all good.
What I really want to tell you about is my new therapist, K.
She is INCREDIBLE. (I’ve got to stop typing in all caps!)
She is truly the best therapist I’ve had yet. She texts me constantly to encourage me and check in on me. She listens to everything I have to say with no judgment. She actually HELPS (caps again, LOL) me and gives me solutions instead of just letting me talk for an hour. It’s because of her that I hit my first big milestone and I’ve made it 30 days with no self-harm!
That is truly a feat that I did not see myself conquering. When I started at OS, I didn’t think I would ever stop self-harming. I just didn’t care about myself anymore and I thought I was at the end. K has helped me to see my value and that I’m worth not mutilating my body. It’s been a long road to get this far and I am truly proud of myself for making it. 30 days may seem small to some people, but I don’t remember the last time I went this long without using sharps.
Sorry, I just needed to brag on myself for a minute!
In other news, I am about to go to a week-long trauma workshop! I’m terrified.
I’ve heard a lot about this retreat, and I hear it’s very, very intense. I did a phone assessment to attend this workshop last April. They closed down because of COVID and said they would call me when they opened back up again. At the time, I was struggling with an eating disorder and I was also off my medication. They told me that I needed to make sure I wasn’t engaging in eating disorder behaviors and that I was on my medication when I attended the retreat. They want to make sure you’re stable when you attend so you can handle the emotional toll this will take.
I never heard back from them. In August last year, I started struggling really bad. I needed help. I contacted the retreat to see if they were open again and they were, but I was scheduled to go in December. They said they could put me on the list so if they had any cancellations, I could take their place and go sooner. But when she found out that I was off my meds and extremely suicidal, she said that it would not be a good idea to attend. I felt let down, but I understood why I couldn’t go. That’s how I found myself at OS for treatment…but that’s another story.
About two weeks before my scheduled time for the retreat, I got a call and they said they had to close down again due to rising COVID numbers. I was sad, but it really wasn’t a good time for me to attend anyway because I had just gotten out of inpatient treatment. They said, again, they would call when they opened up again.
With all the time I’ve been taking off work for my mental health, I didn’t think this would be a good time for me to go. I had kind of put the retreat out of my mind. Then, last Monday, I got a call from an unknown number. My sister had just gone to the hospital (she’s okay – she broke her wrist because she slipped on ice) so I thought it was the hospital calling me. I answered and it was the retreat.
They said they were opening back up and starting with their December clients. I was excited and panicked and scared and happy all at once. The rush of emotions hit me like a wave. In the midst of the wave, I agreed to go the first week of March.
I didn’t have a clue how I would pay for it, get the time off work, and just… make it happen. But in spite of this, I agreed to go.
Now I’m trying to figure out the details. It looks like I can file the FMLA paperwork in time to be off of work that week, I just won’t get paid for it. I also think I figured out the money so it seems to all be falling into place!
I was talking to K last night in session about the retreat and she said something that kind of scared me. She told me that she interviewed for a position there one time and after going through the interview process and learning all about the retreat, she didn’t even think SHE would make it through. As far as intensity, that just goes to show you how this is.
I am nervous. But on the other hand, I’m excited too! This retreat was recommended to me by my pdoc, as well as 3 different Ts. I think it will be a life changing experience.
That being said, I’ve decided I am going to write at the end of every day during the workshop. I’m going to keep a running blog and add to it at the end of each day. I suspect that this will be a rather lengthy addition to my blog entries, but I think with how cathartic this experience will be, it will be a blog that I will want to look back on.
Anyway, I guess that’s really all I have for now! I just wanted to share with you how wonderful K is and tell you about my upcoming retreat!
I’d love to hear from you guys so feel free to drop a comment below 😊
Wishing health and happiness,