Some days I wonder if he cares how he has made me feel?  We were close for so many years, and after that first night I never spoke to him again.  It hurts to know what he did, and that he didn't admit it.  Will he ever?  The hardest thing is to know he hasn't paid for it.  In the bigger scheme, shouldn't someone who committed rape have to face the consequences in the eyes of the law.  I feel like I am waiting for a call from the detective, all the time... waiting for the words he admitted to everything.  If he doesn't I will be shocked.  The person I knew, the memories from middle school up to those nights are already wiped from my mind of being good memories, they are just thoughts now.  Thoughts of how I thought I had a friend, someone I could laugh with and trust, but now he has a chance to come clean about his actions.  Will he be righteous, will he tell the truth?  I did, and that is really all that matters to me.  Him telling the truth would just close up the memories the try to hold onto, that he could actually be a decent human being.  I feel empowered somewhat that I was able to report,  to speak my mind, tell law enforcement what happened.  I had wanted to do that for so long, and now I am feeling if he does not tell the truth, I will lose any last flicker of hope about him being a person.  His actions do not make sense to me, and I can no longer go on with those thoughts.  I always say, why should I feel terrible for his actions?  I shouldn't and I won't.