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So Lost

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I lost my half sister nine months ago and I am so lost in self hate, self blame, I have spent weeks sexting strange men to distract myself from my grief. My grief is for the loss of her, but she was it, my last blood. I grieve I wasted so much time, envious that she got the safe dad, so much time wasted lost in my pain of my past, I didn't get to love her in the present for the fragile flower my sister was not the entitled princess I had written her to be. I am so lost, lost in sexual addiction, lost in self harm, as my stepfather gets married this weekend. I am so lost, bpd finds me and says before I become completely lost I should go, I don't know what to do, maybe I should go ? 

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So sorry for the loss, and the grief that you feel. Grief can be hard when it comes with so much regret and painful memories.  Sending you support, and sitting with you if you would like?

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Hello ,

I’m also very sorry for your loss , I know we all deal with grief differently and sometimes it takes years . I lost my grandfather few years ago and I’m still not completely over it . But eventually , sadly, you get used to it . You never forget them , there’s a bit of them everywhere but just know that she is now in a better place and looking out for you . I don’t know the whole story and maybe that’s why I don’t understand why you blame yourself but it’s not your fault . Not at all . I understand you were envious and I’m sure you have complicated story and I don’t know if by going you mean attending your stepfather wedding or leaving earth but if it’s the latter , you shouldn’t go . Stay , it’s hard , it gets even harder sometimes but even if I’m just a little anonymous voice on the internet , I want you to stay . Sending you all my best wishes and support and if you need to talk I will gladly listen . (Sorry for the mistakes english is not my first language) xoxo

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