I can't sleep.
Often at night, I get this phantom feeling that someone is touching me. I think its my mind remembering when I wanted to scream "don't touch me!" All those times. Especially the first time. And I can't get peace now. My mind keeps reliving that helpless feeling. I just want to go back in time and have the awareness of mind to say "don't touch me" and get away from him. First comes the shame and self pity then comes the anger. At him. At myself. Mostly At myself.