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Don't touch me.

behindthesehazeleyes

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I can't sleep.

Often at night, I get this phantom feeling that someone is touching me. I think its my mind remembering when I wanted to scream "don't touch me!" All those times. Especially the first time. And I can't get peace now. My mind keeps reliving that helpless feeling. I just want to go back in time and have the awareness of mind to say "don't touch me" and get away from him. First comes the shame and self pity then comes the anger. At him. At myself. Mostly At myself.



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I understand this self anger all too well and you are not alone. When I was first abused as a child, I had no voice to say anything but because of that abuse and how it affected me I put myself in numerous situations that were self-harming and abusive. I often feel so guilty, especially now that I am much older and aware of how the decisions I made were only decisions that hurt me in the end. I become so angry and disgusted with myself. It is very difficult, I understand how you feel. ❤️

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