Before I was assaulted I experienced depression, anxiety, happiness, All emotions that we all have experienced at one point or another. With Depression, irritability and anxiety being common in the teenage years. It wasn’t till after my assault I saw a drastic change in my mental health. Life became a blind fury of feeling energetic and wonderfully content, not a problem in the world. Then time would slow and I felt like I slumped down into the deepest depression I had ever felt in my life. When it was coupled with the paranoia I experienced it became unbearable at times and life was like a nightmare. Things got intense and I began to shut down slipping into catatonic states for a little while. Talking with my new therapist i had told him what I had experienced before and after the assault and he came to the conclusion that I was bipolar.
I dreaded having to deal with what happened to me While combating and coming to terms with having a mental illness. It all seemed hopeless and daunting to say the least. For awhile I just struggled in silence. Unsure of which direction to take and how to bounce back.
I looked back and realized what I mistook for just teenage melodramas was a legitimate mental illness that had been amplified by my traumatic experience. Even to this day it can be hell. One thing I have been teaching myself is to be patient and acknowledge what I’m struggling with and have faith that I will be ok while taking comfort that I am truly not alone and I have found good people to rely upon.
when I started my journey of healing I didn’t expect to have bipolar disorder tacked on. But there are certain aspects I am comfortable with combating . Writing and music are two ways that have really helped me cope and reflect. Meditation has been very useful for me as well.
Each day is different but paying attention to and acknowledging what symptoms I have been experiencing have become incredibly important. It’s an uncomfortable rollercoaster ride some days but if this illness is gonna be with me best to take it day by day and Learn to heal from the episodes then be swallowed up by it.