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Up too late thinking about my sex life

AlexAlex

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I've been going along to get along for too long. I need to stop gritting my teeth through sex. I need to say no when I'm screaming inside instead of going through the motions. 

I feel like if I say anything to stop anything,  I'll be left alone, because I'll be worth nothing as a partner.  The shame is unbearable. 

I would like to think I've moved on, but deep down I still genuinely feel like my worth is purely sexual. 

Like depriving my partner is a cardinal sin and it is my job to please a man even when I feel sick to my stomach. Even when i already feel like throwing up, i need to swallow. 

I always feel like i just want to get it over with. 

How on earth can i start to say no? What will happen?



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@AlexAlex thank you for sharing these very difficult feelings. I know that this is hard. It's hard to say it out loud or write it down because, at least for me anyway, it kindof makes it more real. Please know that you are not alone with these struggles. I don't have any answers, but I do care about your pain.

Sitting nearby sending healing thoughts, if that's ok.

RR

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I can for sure relate to this struggle. I don’t really have any answers either, as my thinking is in many ways the same I think. Sitting with you if that’s ok.

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I wish I had an answer for you. But I can say I have similar feelings. Maybe tell your partner about how your feeling before sex. Assuming you trust your partner and are in a safe place. That helped me a bit with mine, I told him its hard for me to tell you to stop because I feel like I am not suppose to and if I do you will leave. Then he said some wonderful things to me about how he won't leave etc. For a while he was extra careful and slowly it has gotten better but its still hard to speak up.

Sitting with you too if that's ok ❤️

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