I've been going along to get along for too long. I need to stop gritting my teeth through sex. I need to say no when I'm screaming inside instead of going through the motions.
I feel like if I say anything to stop anything, I'll be left alone, because I'll be worth nothing as a partner. The shame is unbearable.
I would like to think I've moved on, but deep down I still genuinely feel like my worth is purely sexual.
Like depriving my partner is a cardinal sin and it is my job to please a man even when I feel sick to my stomach. Even when i already feel like throwing up, i need to swallow.
I always feel like i just want to get it over with.
How on earth can i start to say no? What will happen?