Viceless

Wow this is cool... Not in subject matter of course, but in terms of how you illustrated your self-harm behaviors here. I'm sorry you have been through so much! I totally get you though. How does seeing everything all laid out like this make you feel?

Thanks... It makes me feel like the worst person ever and like I don’t deserve to be alive. If anyone really knew me they would hate me. Looking at it is like there are 2 separate people. I don’t know the person who does this stuff to themselves and nobody else does either cuz I pretend so well. It feels hopeless... 

Sorry...I’ve kinda been spiraling. Not your problem:)

2 minutes ago, Viceless said:

It makes me feel like the worst person ever and like I don’t deserve to be alive. If anyone really knew me they would hate me. Looking at it is like there are 2 separate people. I don’t know the person who does this stuff to themselves and nobody else does either cuz I pretend so well. It feels hopeless... 

Honestly, I don't feel that way about you at all. Maybe because I see myself in this too. When I see everything laid out like this, it tells me that this person doing these things is really hurting. 💔 They are in pain, and are doing all they can to survive the world they are in. That's what I see in you here. Not a bad person that doesn't deserve to be alive, or should be hated. But someone that needs more attention and support. I'm sorry you feel such pain and so badly about yourself. I believe you are great person, and are doing the best you can with what you have. This what you are doing to deal with the pretense you feel you have to set for others. Believe me, I get it more than you know. Please know things can get better. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

No need to apologize. That's what AS is here for. You are not alone. I'm here.

Sending you hugs and a ton of support my friend ❤️

1 minute ago, Enigma87 said:

Honestly, I don't feel that way about you at all. Maybe because I see myself in this too. When I see everything laid out like this, it tells me that this person doing these things is really hurting. 💔 They are in pain, and are doing all they can to survive the world they are in. That's what I see in you here. Not a bad person that doesn't deserve to be alive, or should be hated. But someone that needs more attention and support. I'm sorry you feel such pain and so badly about yourself. I believe you are great person, and are doing the best you can with what you have. This what you are doing to deal with the pretense you feel you have to set for others. Believe me, I get it more than you know. Please know things can get better. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.

No need to apologize. That's what AS is here for. You are not alone. I'm here.

Sending you hugs and a ton of support my friend ❤️

Thank you I’ll take the hugs and the support. Another panic attack started a few hours ago and it hasn’t helped my mental state. I wasn’t doing anything triggering so i dont know. 

I just sent it to my therapist. Next session should be fun...

Awesome!  I was thinking that you should send it to your therapist. I’m sure that having a visual of how you feel will give her even more information. Especially if you find it hard to open up emotionally on a verbal level. Sorry ... not to applaud your unhappiness 🥴 , but to applaud your efforts to reach out to her. 😊

At this point I’m just desperate to feel better so having someone else know what a freakshow I am isn’t the worst thing. I agree... I think I’m slowly reaching my breaking point thanks to craniosacral therapy and everything else. 
 

good night:)

thanks for sticking around
 

 

Of course! No problem. I’m glad I could stick around

Keep reaching out 😊❤️
Night! 🥱😴

@Viceless @Enigma87

You are Not a freak show. You are a suvivor. And you are Loved

 

-K 🖤

6 hours ago, boxergal30 said:

You are Not a freak show. You are a suvivor. And you are Loved

Thank you I needed that. After hearing “Till It Happens To You” she’s starting to become one of my favorite artists. All of the chronic pain should be enough for me to realize it was bad enough...but sometimes I still blame myself for letting it affect me when it happened a long time ago. Thank you again.