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Brain Dumps

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It's Complicated



So, shock to me, didn't actually discuss any of what I thought we would this week at therapy. She asked about something from the week before and it divulged into a discussion about my father and growing up. He was not physically abusive to me in any way but he's the biggest narcissistic in the world and that was very often emotionally abusive.  We have a much better relationship now than we did before and he's still a jerk sometimes, all the time to my stepmom but they have been married 25 year and that's the boat she chose so I can't help her get off of it at this point, she's on her own. But as I was explaining my dad, the therapist was shocked and I started to feel bad for badmouthing him. Like I overplayed it. But I really really didn't, it was all true and I even left some major things out that were worse than what I had mentioned. But even though it was all true, it still made me feel bad. I don't know if it's because our relationship is better now or what but...it did. I realize that a lot of how I process things is tied into how I grew up, but who's isn't? I get it. And how he treated me, my mom, and my stepmom wasn't okay. Is it okay to acknowledge that it wasn't okay and still feel bad about talking badly about him? It's very conflicting for me. 


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