I am still struggling. I have gotten more ok with what has happened to me. I am starting to normalize it. However, the rest of my life so far has been extremely depressing. I can't smile anymore, I don't apply makeup anymore because I can't just get myself to do it. I feel like everyone hates me or doesn't want to talk with me. I just feel sad all the time, I hate looking in the mirror because I hate the girl that looks back. Kinda like Mulan with her reflection song. I feel fat, ugly and uncomfortable when I go out because I feel like everyone is staring at me and is disgusted by me. People stare, sometimes laugh and I know that they aren't laughing at me but it feels that way. I am very conflicted with what I want to do with my career which gets me more depressed. So it is just a viscous cycle of depression and I am in the middle of the storm, which is according to the science the calmest part of the storm. But in this scenario I am trapped out in the ocean and I can not escape the hurricane that is surrounding me. I feel so close to drowning and the things that are keeping me afloat are my family, dog, and my boyfriend. I am so close to falling off this life raft but I am hold on the best I can.