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The Loneliest Girl in the World

Lonelygirl13

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I am still struggling. I have gotten more ok with what has happened to me. I am starting to normalize it. However, the rest of my life so far has been extremely depressing. I can't smile anymore, I don't apply makeup anymore because I can't just get myself to do it. I feel like everyone hates me or doesn't want to talk with me. I just feel sad all the time, I hate looking in the mirror because I hate the girl that looks back. Kinda like Mulan with her reflection song. I feel fat, ugly and uncomfortable when I go out because I feel like everyone is staring at me and is disgusted by me. People stare, sometimes laugh and I know that they aren't laughing at me but it feels that way. I am very conflicted with what I want to do with my career which gets me more depressed. So it is just a viscous cycle of depression and I am in the middle of the storm, which is according to the science the calmest part of the storm. But in this scenario I am trapped out in the ocean and I can not escape the hurricane that is surrounding me. I feel so close to drowning and the things that are keeping me afloat are my family, dog, and my boyfriend. I am so close to falling off this life raft but I am hold on the best I can.



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@Lonelygirl13  I'm sorry it's a rough storm, but like all the storms of life, it has highs and lows...and even stops sometimes.  You don't have to be alone.  I'm sorry it's so hard.  Use your supports as much as you can and as often as you need.  This pain is horrific and it doesn't seem to get easier, but it will.   If you have faith, turn to it.  It makes it so much better.  I took well over 40 years just to accept it and to understand, even as I had a patented excuse, my behavior still had to change.  I fought and drank my way through and nearly destroyed myself.  🌺 I couldn't find a rose, but I find a flower.  Rise above this.  You didn't deserve it and you owe it to yourself to get free.   Blessings, friend - POM

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Keep holding on lonelygirl, keep talking to us on AS, your boyfriend and your furry doggy friend - we are all here to listen and understand your struggles and insecurities very much! Be kind to yourself, B

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On 3/5/2020 at 11:29 PM, PearlofMary said:

@Lonelygirl13  I'm sorry it's a rough storm, but like all the storms of life, it has highs and lows...and even stops sometimes.  You don't have to be alone.  I'm sorry it's so hard.  Use your supports as much as you can and as often as you need.  This pain is horrific and it doesn't seem to get easier, but it will.   If you have faith, turn to it.  It makes it so much better.  I took well over 40 years just to accept it and to understand, even as I had a patented excuse, my behavior still had to change.  I fought and drank my way through and nearly destroyed myself.  🌺 I couldn't find a rose, but I find a flower.  Rise above this.  You didn't deserve it and you owe it to yourself to get free.   Blessings, friend - POM

Thank you, this means so much to me. You are so strong and inspiring, I am glad you were able to overcome your struggles. Keep on fighting, thank you :) 

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On 3/5/2020 at 11:36 PM, BrightSide said:

Keep holding on lonelygirl, keep talking to us on AS, your boyfriend and your furry doggy friend - we are all here to listen and understand your struggles and insecurities very much! Be kind to yourself, B

Thank you! I feel so welcome in this community and this means lot to me, thank you. :) 

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