I saw my toxic friend recently. We’ll call him Austin. I hadn’t seen Austin in over two months. With everything else going on I didn’t need he’s comments oh how retarded or stupid I was.
But one day we decided to get together and hang out. It was...pleasant. I couldn’t believe it. He didn’t make one backhanded or negative comment about me. We discussed work(we work for the same company but he works in the office I’m a janitor at a different job site. ) we also talked about our physical ailments. Turns out he has fibromyalgia as well. He said the medication he’s on also has anti depression effects as well as helping with the physical pain.
I know I can’t fix him. Nor will I try. But while I’m trying to change and get things straight I have to wonder if keeping Austin as a friend is worth it anymore. I feel like his punching bag when he’s feeling low about himself. And I feel like my friendship to him is more out of him needing distractions from his own issues. Not because he thought I was a cool person or a wonderful friend.
so why can’t I completely let him go? It seems so simple. “Austin your an asshole, this friendship is over”
Maybe in that right I am stupid for keeping him as a friend. Just completely damn stupid. He doesn’t really want to change much because he’s convinced he’ll fail.
I made the mistake of telling some of what’s going on and he makes light of it.
Why. The. Hell. Can’t. I. Break. It.off?
I keep him at a distance. Lean on my other true friends for support. Maybe part of the issue is I haven’t lost hope for him. But perhaps I’ll just continue to work on myself and think more on this in the meantime.