Starting on Monday I am going to therapy again. I want the girl I used to be to come back, I know she is in there somewhere. I want to be able to paint, craft and laugh again. I just want to be able to do my homework without being depressed. I just lay in bed all day and then go to class. I need to get myself together and I can't let this trauma control my life. It doesn't define me. I want to be able to do things without feeling judged or alienated. Why can't I go out and have a good time without the memory of the trauma flooding my brain? It is almost like I am a prisoner in my own mind. I am desperate for a prison break. I bought some new lipsticks to make me feel a little bit better about my appearance, It would have worked only I don't get out much. I don't have a lot of friends. I know I need to get out more and experience life like everyone else. I shouldn't let this dictate where I go, who I go with and and what I do. I need to be stronger. I need to be myself again.