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White Bird

AllyHatter

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To whom it may concern,

I don't believe in signs or superstitions. I don't believe in fate. I believe that thins will happen whether you have your lucky horseshoe or not. 

One day as I was walking to work I saw this white bird. It was sitting on the power lines with so many pigeons next to it and it was the only white one in the crowd. For a very small moment I thought, "haha who knows maybe this is a sign of good luck. Maybe I'll have a good day." 

That day was terrible. I thought "Figures. Good luck charms aren't real." It kept happening though. Every few days that bird would show up again. A white light in a sea of darkness. Surrounded by so much black and yet still standing tall right in the middle. An outsider in the group. 

Every single time I see that bird, my day is terrible. Now at first I figured ah well it's just a bad day but the more I had terrible days the more I realized that bird was there. Every good day, he was gone. I know it sounds silly but I really started to believe he was a bad omen. At first it was just regular bad days. Then my mom called me saying my dad was in the hospital and as I drove to him, I looked up and saw that stupid white bird. 

I rushed there as quickly as possible. He wasn't doing good. Then he  woke u and everything was ok....

He saw the picture of my girlfriend on my phone. He asked who the new guy was....and I couldn't answer him. i couldn't say "SHE is an amazing woman who brings me happiness like I've never known." And I realized why that bird had appeared....Because for the next few hours I had to sit there hiding this amazing woman in shame because I was so afraid of losing the man who raised me. 

I don't want that anymore. I don't wanna be ashamed of who I am and I don't wanna lie about this beautiful person who makes me laugh and smile on the worst days. 

I texted my brother.

Our conversation went something like this.

"Hey bro"
"Hey sis"
"Sooo....hypothetically, if I was dating a woman and I wanted to tell mom and dad about it, on a scale of 1-10, 1 being they shoot me and 10 being they love and accept me and want to meet her, how do you think they will react?"

It took him a long time to respond and all he said was

 "How long have you two been seeing each other"

At this point I was a little offended...I don't know why but it made me feel like I wasn't aloud to be myself unless I had been with her more then a few months? so I said 

"Not long. But this isn't the first girl I've dated and not the first time I have wanted to tell them....and even if this doesn't work out with her, it's not gonna stop me from being bi. This conversation has been a long time coming and I don't think it should matter how long I've been seeing her. I want her at family dinner and I want her to meet your son and I want her around for a very long time."

All he said was 

"Tell them."

I don't know why but I started crying. My brother knows I'm bi. We've never really spoken about it but he knows. We had similar upbringings in the sense that we never fit into the family. We were the same. We both left when we turned 18 and never looked back. We were the problem children. He knew my parents in a way no one else could know. Not even my other siblings. He just said tell them like it was so obvious. Like it wasn't even a question. Like I should feel silly for even thinking of hiding who I am. He accepted me with open arms and told me that no matter what happened, and he was sure it would work out, that he would be there, he would host our own private family dinners, he would be my family and he would love me and he would accept my girlfriend and me no matter what. He didn't have  to say it. I knew...I know that sounds so dumb but I knew. He even said at one point that Kayden (His son) could always use more aunties to spoil him rotten and then he said

"You know, even if none of us were to accept you, remember, Kayden reveres you. He loves you unconditionally and he is only 3. If a 3 year old can be so accepting and open minded and loving when he's only loved you for those 3 years...then how could the people who have known you for 22 years...since the day you were born....that includes me....not love you. No matter your choices in life, no matter who you are as a person, no matter what trouble you are in I will help you hide the bodies and I will bail you out of jail and I will love you and your girlfriend because I held your hand when you crossed the street, I read you goodnight moon, I counted the stars with you, I loved you from the moment mom and dad brought you home. How could they not? It'd be ridiculous to even think they wouldn't. Remember that"

To my brother, thank you for always accepting me. Even if we haven't been a part of each others lives.

To whom ever it may concern, thank you for living every day as yourself and being proud of who you are and if you're not...I am. I am so proud of you for getting up in the morning. 

Maybe that white bird isn't so bad after all. Maybe that white bird was leading me to better days and better decisions. Maybe it was teaching me through hardships...if you believe in that kinda thing 😉

Sincerely yours,

Alice.



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