Haven't been on here in a couple weeks... figured an update was in order. I was able to take a full time position working as a physical therapy aide in a well known private clinic. I am LOVING the job and all the people I work with. It is nice feeling like i have a place that I fit in. I have been working on doing more things that I enjoy. Exploring cute little cafes and other spots in the city I'm working in has been very rewarding. However, I find that I am still struggling to find a sense of community. Being a lesbian in my area is very difficult. I do not have any gay friends, and I have also been longing for a girlfriend.
With the holidays getting into full swing things have gotten difficult in terms of dealing with trauma. Past memories tied to this time of year have been haunting me. I've been doing my best to handle everything, but last week I had a slip up. I relapsed with self harm after starting to dissociate/feel like I wasn't real. I was able to stop again after a couple days, but it was a very draining experience. In response I have been trying to up the healthy coping mechanisms that I use, and it has been going pretty well ever since. Shaking that sense of shame has still been very difficult though, and I have a difficult time finding a support system to rely on.
I plan to try to squeeze in an extra visit with my therapist this week, and most importantly I am working on being kinder to myself!!!