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After surgery...

aperson

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I finally got approval for my surgery after months of dealing with my blood pressure. I am now 3 days after surgery. I will say I was a bit worried of how I would be enotiinally but it all seemed to go so well. I slept off the anesthesia day 1 with very minimal after effects. I had no bleeding and by bedtime very minimal cramping. But I could feel the emotions starting to trickle in. Day 2 was different. No cramping. No bleeding and the emotions had subsided. I thought this will be a breeze. No painkillers needed and I am back to normal. I started moving around trying to make sure I didnt overdo it. After all, I did just have a procedure less than 48 hrs ago. But again, the evening came and I started to feel like I was cramping again? Is that real pain or repressing emotions pain? Is it all in my head? I took some ibuprofen instead of the hard stuff just in case. I dont really like the hard meds because they make me sleep and I was uncomfortable but not in terrible pain. Day 3 and the cramping remained. Starting to feel like this whole process may be a fail. Reminding myself that this is normal. This isnt a fail and I should be experiencing this 72 hrs after. The dr said that I could experience spotting for a few weeks off and on and because of the ablation, I should feel cramping as scar tissue forms. But I dont want meds because, I had worse pain than this a week ago and took nothing. I can tough this out. Now I am spotting again and cramping. 

I am trying to keep in mind this is normal but it is starting not to work. I am starting to feel the surge of emotions from the real or imaginary pain. I wasnt really prepared for this I think. I focused so much on ensuring I got the surgery that I put it out of my head that there are emotions that I will feel from the pain. I forgot to do what I normally would do. Prepare myself. So I am trying to practice self-care. Being kind to myself. Resting. I am back to taking meds because I dont want to loose sight that the pain is real even if it is mild. Reducing the pain will reduce the emotional aspect. I am reminding myself that none of this is the result of my past. All the women in my family from the eldest to the newst adults have had a similar issue. They either are srill dealing with it or had it resolved many years ago.  This isnt my fault. I am not to blame. I did the right thing. 

I return to work on Monday. Physically, I can do it. Physically, I am ok to return. Now to manage the emotional and mental. I can do this. I got this. I have been been in worse places and turned it around. I can do this.



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