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Blessing in Disguise

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searchingformore

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Well, I had a feeling this day was going to come. I have been tryiing to complete a rigorous grad school program for some time now. My struggles with trauma have been interfering with my performance in school. This week it caught up with me, and after finding out i failed a course I finally decided to take a medical leave of absence. I won't go back to school until next fall. Weirdly I feel an overwhelming sense of relief. Trying to run on empty dealing with trauma, family issues, and grad school was becoming exhausting. I plan to take this time to go to therapy more often and get my meds fixed. I never took a step back in my life to do something like this. As a part of getting healthy I want to start going to the gym again. I'd like to get a job related to my field.

Most importantly, I want to take time to rediscover the little things in life that make me happy. I want to take time to truly feed my soul and do some self discovery. As a part of that, I want to find a sense of community. The area i moved into is quite conservative and I never took the time to try to seek out any LGBT support systems. Branching out and meeting new people is important to me. 

Despite my initial feelings of disappointment in myself and mini meltdown over finances, I have decided that I need to see this as an opportunity and not a failure. Take it as a blessing in disguise. 

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You’re so right for seeing this as a blessing, because so often steps back feel like failure or giving up. Failure is when you truly give up, as set backs are a natural part of learning and growing in this life. When I dropped out of my graduate program last fall, I couldn’t contemplate any other option. I was expected to start teaching lessons and I was in no position mentally to keep trucking along as I’ve done my whole life. It’s overwhelming though because I’ve blamed myself for so many of my set backs in life, and although I am responsible for my actions, I didn’t realize that the neglected traumas from my past had begun to affect every aspect of my life until I was jobless, without a vehicle, and had lost all of my closest loved ones. Completely lost from myself and self-isolated, I decided it was time to find support from people who can understand my life as they have experienced something as well. You’re post is the first I came across and I don’t believe in coincidence. Thank you for sharing a piece yourself. 🙏You’re strength to share and put yourself first is inspiring for me as I am just beginning to build these same habits myself. In June, my husband and I downsized to an RV to travel the world and put ourselves and our art first. We have hit many walls, but are learning that incorporating the right amount of exercise, focusing on your passions, and   allowing yourself the time to heal are invaluable to mental health, and although it’s a difficult fight, it’s one that we are not fighting alone. There are millions fighting themselves everywhere. During your time away from school, I wish you the best in caring for yourself! Do something spontaneous but true to yourself. Life is about those little moments that our traumas have blocked us out from seeing.  I hope you see something beautiful today and everyday, dearest. 

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