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A blog by Dee86 in General

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The first step

Dee86

Entry posted by Dee86 ·

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I've never written a blog or journal before. Maybe this won't last longer than a day.

Everything is a struggle right now.  No part of me wants to be alive.  But I'm scared of hurting the people I love.  It's strange feeling so much love for those around me when all my other emotions are so dark and bleak.

I'm living with friends at the moment as I'm not safe on my own.

I showered today, for the first time in 4 days, I'm surprised my friends wanted to be around me.

I also ate for the first time in 4 days.  I didn't realise how hungry I was until I took that first bite.

Two things that seemed impossible a few days ago. I'm exhausted but I achieved two things today, I guess that's progress.

I hope everyone else is doing better.

D x

3 Comments

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Dawn76

My heart hurts for you. I hear you and i understand your struggles. I've often had those thoughts, not just from circumstances in recent months, but from a younger age. I thought alot about them until i married and had a child....and my husband followed through on thoughts of his own. 

I don't know you, but i'm proud of you for getting up, for showering, for eating, for writing this blog. For seeking help.  For trying to keep yourself safe and recognising how your friends and family would feel with out your beautiful soul in their lives. 

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feralcat

Hi dee86, I'm so sorry for your pain and despair. I think you did great, showering and eating and staying alive. I understand that struggle. There are days when breathing and staying on this planet are tremendous acts of bravery. I'm so glad you have people in your life who you love and who love you. Keep reaching out for help and support. Keep breathing.

feralcat

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Nicol

I totally understand your feelings about not wanting to be alive because its so hard to live with what happened to you. Good job on eating and self care. I would say showering for me isn't easy one bit. It is such a trigger for me, I take showers but it is alot to deal with before I officially get in. Im here for you :)

 

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