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This guy named Connor



To whom it may concern,

So there's this Connor. I met him a while ago. He makes me smile. I like seeing him happy even though we don't really see each other. I actually had some serious interest in him. He was more then just nice to me. He was actually caring and compassionate and when I said the thing that usually throws people off "I was raped." He didn't shy away. When I said I didn't wanna talk about it, he didn't push. I appreciated the amount of compassion and support he showed me but even more then that, I felt some kind of sense of relief when I was around him or just texting with him. 

I'm using past tense because we just stopped talking. I tried to reach out a few times but he always seemed to push me away. 

I don't know if I ever saw a relationship coming from this or even a date for that matter. I just liked the way I felt when I was around him. He made me feel like....I may be broken but...I'm perfect the way I am. I like that. I like feeling like I'm okay the way I am. Like someone appreciates my broken pieces and wants to try to make their broken pieces fit with mine...I don't wanna have to fix my pieces so that I can fit with yours...That doesn't even make sense but I guess in my head it does.

This guy and I clicked the first day. I don't know why. He just made me laugh and smile and he rubbed my head and played with my hair like a weirdo. He respected my boundaries but also showed me he was there and cared. I stole a bracelet from him :P He obviously knows I took it and was actually glad I kept wearing it. 

Then we stopped talking. I guess he was just going through some stuff and so was I but the more I reached out the less we spoke. I actually finally decided to let go...a few days ago. I took off the bracelet. I accepted a date with this person who asked me out, I decided to stop reaching out...

He then, messaged me again like....Monday. I know he's going to dissapear again. Everyone I care about dissapears but a part of me really doesn't want him to. We're suppose to go on a date in a week or so...he wants to go mini putting and go see Detective Pikachu which I love but he will probably cancel. He actually called me today. Like 4 times. He's probably just bored or has no one else to talk to but I like hearing his voice and seeing his face and his cute smile. I want him to want to talk to me. Most people will text me on bad days like I am currently having today...and I won't want anything to do with them...but being able to talk to him today....really made everything a little less gloomy. EWWWW Feelings....point is! I really hope he doesn't dissapear again. I have the tinniest bit of hope this time....Just a tiny bit...


Sincerely yours,



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