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2nd session

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So I went to my second therapy session , I plan on doing this once a week for at least a year . 

 we started talking about some to childhood memories and she had me walk her through a couple of them that I told her before about  . and she asked me  what emotions I felt when I recalled these memories . None . 

 I went though the memory of me walking in the kitchen with that gun to shoot my stepfather . And she asked me "what emotions did you feel when you did that" . There's absolutely no emotion attached that memory . She asked me how do you think you felt , I said imagine fear and anger . 

 It seems weird to me that I can call up what few memories I have of my childhood and there's absolutely no emotions attached . 

 I guess it's something we're gonna have to work on . 

 And as for the situation with my mother , the land line is tied in.  the nursing home let me talk to her on the 16th . My brother is still refusing to return the phone .  As far as I know he hasn't given her her cell phone back . I'm going to call her tomorrow and see what's going on. He visits her on Saturday so I'm not going to call while he's there.

 She told me that he's emotionally abusive when he's there , that he's a control freak and everything has to be done his way . She's telling me she doesn't even argue with him anymore she just does what she's told . And every time she talks about a memory he calls her a liar . When me and him were still talking I mentioned that she told me about memories that I remember . And he was trying to convince me she was just lying about stuff and that I don't really remember it . 

 I was supposed to hear from APS yesterday but I didn't . I'm going to call them Monday afternoon if I don't hear anything to see what's going on . I believe they opened up a formal investigation . 

 My wife reported the phone stolen to the police department of the small town he lives in . They're not sure if they can do anything about it . 






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@GordyGood for you for getting back into therapy. I’m numb with my memories too at the moment. With time my emotions come and go, I feel like having the emotion connected with the memory of the event is very important in healing. You have to feel the emotion you felt that/those moments in order to complete it and release it. 

I just read trauma and memory by Peter Levine, it was an informative read

in really sorry about your mom. I hope they’re able to prevent him from visiting her anymore and also find her phone. 

Sitting with you and safe hugs

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For me, the emotions came later.  I was able to recall pieces of memories from the abuse and had no feelings attached.  It was as if it happened to someone else.  slowly, with lots of therapy, i was able to integrate the emotions with the memories and move forward in my healing.  Best of luck on your healing journey

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