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Day One

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Today marks Day One. 

This is the first day of hope. Hope that I will be heard, hope that my daughter will return unharmed physically. She's already shown she's been harmed psychologically, but I do pray that doesn't worsen. 

Today is the day I got the consent for the social investigation to begin. The social investigator will decide the best home for my daughter. Her father, our abuser, has been on his 'best' behavior lately and is now a "God fearing Christian", but I'm hoping the investigator sees through it. He's made some mistakes; I have them in emails. I'm hoping she will see through the pretty glamour he has put on.

I have to continue building my case. I have the emails where he subtly said he would kill me as a joke. They are very old, but show how it started even before marriage. I have so many emails showing the psychological abuse. I hope they are believed. He was very careful and subtle about it; they can easily be construed as 'caring'. I'm hoping they aren't.

I haven't felt hope in a very long time. It is a weird feeling. I keep trying to dampen it, say it's not going to go the way I think, that I shouldn't foster this hope on these broken wings. He is smart, ruthless, and willing to do or say anything to get his way. But my hope still burns like a little magnesium candle, unwilling to be smothered, drowned, or otherwise snuffed out.

So, today marks Day One. This will be where I start truly healing, and I want to mark it down. I want to count the days, mark them as they pass, and share them in hope this blog will be helpful to someone else in a similar predicament. I want to show, more to myself than others, that healing has it's set backs and victories, and that I will get through them all.

I will one day fly free, and so will you. 

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