I find it interesting when you hear anothers person story and it opens your eyes to a whole new world. I recently was given the chance to hear someone elses story and I feel honored that they shared it with me. I have been talking to them for awhile now and they know parts of mine. As I sit here tonight and think back to there story I feel selfish and ungreatful and most of all undeserving. They have been through hell and are going to be losing there home. I have been so consumed with myself I couldn't see his pain. So, I sit here trying to catch my breath with air I don't deserve to be breathing. my pain is from the past and im trying to deal with a challenging past but there are people that are worse off then I could have ever been. there pain is here and now and not in the memories that are of things that have been. I am sorry I am taking space here on this earth, I am sorry I am breathing air that belongs to someone else. I am sorry for being, existing. I think I finally see that maybe what I went through is a good thing? I was meant to learn from me and move on and instead I have held onto the pain all these years. there is nothing that can be done to change the past so why do I waste others time and bring it up. at least I have a roof over my head, food and clothes. my mother is still here and yet I am ungreatful for her because of I guess "mistakes" as she said. ive always been told that people can change and I believe that but I think for me I changed for the bad not the good. ive been told a lot that sometimes you don't know or see the truth til it hits you in the face, well I finally got that awakening. its hard to look inside and find anything good about me anymore. all that I thought was there is gone. maybe it was never there in the first time. I am not a religious person but I do believe in forgiveness. it is not my place to place judgement on others for there wrong doings. I know I have to find it in my "heart" to let go and forgive those such as my "mother" she made mistakes with me but that's because she is human I guess. it scares me to see this and I am deeply ashamed of myself, my actions and behaviors that have lead me to this realization.