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somebody elses air



I find it interesting when you hear anothers person story and it opens your eyes to a whole new world. I recently was given the chance to hear someone elses story and I feel honored that they shared it with me. I have been talking to them for awhile now and they know parts of mine. As I sit here tonight  and think back to there story I feel selfish and ungreatful and most of all undeserving. They have been through hell and are going to be losing there home. I have been so consumed with myself I couldn't see his pain. So, I sit here trying to catch my breath with air I don't deserve to be breathing. my pain is from the past and im trying to deal with a challenging past but there are people that are worse off then I could have ever been. there pain is here and now and not in the memories that are of things that have been. I am sorry I am taking space here on this earth, I am sorry I am breathing air that belongs to someone else. I am sorry for being, existing. I think I finally see that maybe what I went through is a good thing? I was meant to learn from me and move on and instead I have held onto the pain all these years. there is nothing that can be done to change the past so why do I waste others time and bring it up. at least I have a roof over my head, food and clothes. my mother is still here and yet I am ungreatful for her because of I guess "mistakes" as she said. ive always been told that people can change and I believe that but I think for me I  changed for the bad not the good. ive been told a lot that sometimes you don't know or see the truth til it hits you in the face, well I finally got that awakening. its hard to look inside and find anything good about me anymore. all that I thought was there is gone. maybe it was never there in the first time. I am not a religious person but I do believe in forgiveness. it is not my place to place judgement on others for there wrong doings. I know I have to find it in my "heart" to let go and forgive those such as my "mother" she made mistakes with me but that's because she is human I guess. it scares me to see this and I am deeply ashamed of myself, my actions and behaviors that have lead me to this realization.


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I might be wrong, but judging from the amount of time you've spent not just replying to other peoples posts, but also thinking about what to say in your replies, I'd say you're not a waste of space. I'd say that someone who, even though they have their own pain (past or present it doesn't matter, the fact is that pain is pain) is prepared to help others, to care about others, to spend time helping those they have never met, very probably has a lot more right to breath and catch their breath than a lot of other people.

In fact, now that I think about it, someone who, like you, are prepared to go that extra mile to help others is a true blessing, never a burden.

I've read quite a few of your comments on other peoples posts and you are always so kind and thoughtful. Please, try and find it in yourself to show that same kindness to someone who I'm pleased to call a friend. Her name is @amallison0084

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