Love sucks. I know it's bad. I rather do meaningless relationships than be in love. It's easier. I knew before I got into it that I really shouldn't be in a relationship. It's just not something for me. I don't know how to make it work. I don't know how it's supposed to work. Does it even work? Most people I know are divorced more than once or unhappily in a relationship or just so much going on the relationship really is the least of the problems. I don't know what healthy is. The cards are stacked against me.
I don't want him near me, but I don't want him to leave me either. How does that work?
I want him faithful, but I cannot be.
I want don't want him touching me, but I'll throw myself at him?! Rejected. Part because I see other people and part because he doesn't want to hurt me. But then the awkward question.. if he actually accepted the offer then what kind of mess would I be in?
None of it makes sense. How do I make it make sense?