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The results are in...

Capulet

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Okay - so, Saturday was a LONG, exhausting day.  

To backtrack - I met Oompa at the Subaru dealership as promised, to meet with the salesman she's been praising for the last week.  He knew I was coming and had wasted no time - he had a new Forester brought out for me to test drive within five minutes of my arrival.  

I got in, adjusted all the mirrors and seats and took off.  Drove a couple miles down the street, turned around, and drove back.  I didn't like the overall 'feel' of the Forester, although it WAS a nice looking SUV.  I did indeed give it a honest try, which is what I said I would do.  Went back into the dealership and gave the keys back and asked what else Subaru had that fit the criteria.

Drove a Crosstrek next.  It's a hybrid sorta - between a car and SUV, tires are bigger than those of a normal car - actually about the same size as the tires on a SUV.  I did like the Crosstrek a bit more than the Forester - but anyone who's seen Hotel Transylvania, (the first one) knows - it's important to 'zing.'  According to the movie, you only 'zing' once, when it comes to lovers, but I'm thinking the same applies to cars when we are prepared to empty our bank accounts and buy a new one.  Where there's no 'zing,' I wasn't going to force myself to search for it just to appease Oompa or her favorite car dealer, or anyone else.

I then asked the dealer if he could show me some Jeeps.  He proceeded to tell me that the Jeep dealership was across the street (it literally was) and that he would have to refer me to his co-worker/colleague/friend.  My mother, who was standing there - turned to the dealer and said, "would you please explain to my daughter that Subarus are safer than Jeeps??"  (I did expect her to try and get someone to talk 'sense' into me - only, I thought it'd be J!) 

I quickly held my hand up to the dealer and said, "No need."  Then, I turned to my mother, whose mouth was open.  "Ma....stop.  Just stop."

She asked where the ladies' room was - likely because she was caught off guard.  The dealer pointed out the way.  I told him, honestly, between the Forester and the Crosstrek, I liked the Crosstrek better - but I still wanted to test drive a Jeep - and to see if economically, this was an option for me.  I was NOT going to eliminate that option before fully researching it. 

He understood.  He made a quick call to his buddy at the Jeep dealership, and across the street we went.  

Oompa, of course, the whole way - 'but I thought you said you liked the Crosstrek??'  'The guy did say the Crosstrek would be cheaper to lease than the Forester.'  'The Crosstrek is considered a SUV, you know...' (I did show her what a Legacy and what an Impreza looked like, as they were in the showroom.)

I told her I still needed to a) test drive a Jeep (I'd never driven one before) and b) see what my options were on the car I actually had in mind - if it was not doable, then I'd consider the Crosstrek as a last resort choice.  But I was NOT going to be pushed into making decisions without having ALL of the information - not just the information she wanted me to have.

Of course, she had to also ask the Jeep dealer about the reputation of Jeeps.  I had to laugh to myself - did she really think a Jeep dealer was going to tell her anything negative about Jeeps???  He looked at her and said, "My daughter drives one.  I have nothing bad to say about the safety of Jeeps."

That shut her up momentarily, likely because she was secretly hoping that when they came back with the numbers, I'd realize that financially, I would be better off with the last-resort Crosstrek.  I let the dealer know what I was looking for - how much I wanted to pay monthly, how much I was looking to put down, etc.  He said he'd heard from the Subaru guy across the street, and was prepared to give us VIP treatment - same deals, same family and friend discounts as I'd be entitled to if I chose to go with a Subaru.  He then did some checking with their inventory and handed me a set of keys to a 2019 Compass; according to him, this would be the cheapest Jeep option to lease.  I took the keys and J with me for the third test-drive that day.  

Well - third time was the charm.  I got the zing.  I don't know if it's because my heart was already set on a Jeep.  I'm SURE that if I'd gotten in and realized that I wasn't liking it as much as I thought I would, I would have been the first to admit to Oompa that while the Jeep was nice to look at, driving one just wasn't what I'd thought.  AND I'd have said that perhaps the Crosstrek was a better option.  If not the Crosstrek, I'd have perhaps waited a little bit longer before I decided on a car - because although the Crosstrek wasn't terrible, it wasn't quite what I felt I wanted.  It wasn't ME.

However - I loved the feel of the Jeep, I loved both the interior and exterior look.  It's comfortable, it's smooth.  Not too big, not too small.  I'm not crazy about the color (white) but I loved the actual vehicle.  

And this was my car.  Before I even got back into the lot with it, I'd decided.

I returned to the dealer and asked him to go ahead and run me the numbers.  Oompa, of course, starts with, "But what about the Crosstrek?  Don't you want to go back to Subaru and compare prices to see which one is cheaper?"  Told her no, that even if the Crosstrek was cheaper, I LIKED the Jeep better.  The dealer did chime in that it would only likely be a difference of no more than 15-20 bucks - the amount to put down would be likely similar.  That wasn't enough for me to abandon the idea of a car I actually wanted - to save twenty bucks per month.  No.  I have about three unused cable boxes in the house - getting rid of THOSE would save me twenty bucks a month.

"All right," Oompa sighed.  "Fine, if that's what you want..."

So she sat there and shrugged her shoulders and I'm THINKING, pouted over the fact that I'd made this decision without much regard to her opinion - I negotiated, discussed, filled out, dotted i's, crossed t's, signed LOADS of paperwork and a check.  I now have a three-year lease, am completely covered bumper to bumper for the entire 36 months, and have a monthly payment of $210.  The down payment, yes, was a little more than I expected to pay, but included all the fees - registration, plates, all the other 'fun' stuff.  All that remains is to get an inspection sticker in the state of PA once the plates arrive in the mail.  A little bit more than I wanted to pay, but still doable.  The very Compass I test-drove was the one that they immediately had washed, prepped and detailed for me within the hour and the very one that I drove home in.  My Jeep, (and I know that it's not MINE in the sense that it's leased and not owned, but it was still something I paid for, I took charge on, and I did by myself!) is sitting in my driveway, and I am finding myself going to the window to admire it every so often, but I guess this is to be expected when you've NEVER before in your life, had a new car.  

As I'm risking this blog entry being completely about nothing pertaining to healing - I'll add something I HAVE noticed before signing off for the evening.  And it IS related to my recent decision - so if the Jee- uhh, shoe fits... ;)

I am finding that I am changing.  Slowly, but surely.  Not sure if turning 40 is what it took, but either way...

I know that, as humans, we're constantly changing - this is a given.  I am discovering though, that lately, I am not allowing others to manipulate me into making decisions/choices that I don't want to make.  Previously, I would value the opinion of others above my own - whether I liked it or not, if someone told me that whatever it was I thought was a bad idea, then it was a bad idea and I'd modify what I wanted to suit whatever THEY thought was the better option.  I wasn't firm enough to defend my own beliefs/ideas and more often than not, I'd be steamrolled.

Now, though?  I'm through with agreeing to things others want me to agree to because they think it's better for them.  My mother and my ex - as mentioned previously, are the two biggest culprits - but I am seeing myself becoming more vocal when needed - and recognize that this is easier to do the more I break away from them.  I've not seen my ex in WEEKS, my mother I see once per month, and this is a change from seeing him once a week for kid-swapping and her several times a week when I lived closer.  

They both have less control over me, and although I've not lived with my mother since I was 19 and have been divorced from the ex for a full decade, I still can't say I'm completely dependent on only myself.  I do have my beautiful fiancee that I depend on for love, faithfulness, emotional support, all of those required mutual and financial decisions that a marriage/partnership calls for, but there's ALWAYS seemingly a voice in the back of my head - it is usually Oompa's or the wasband's, but definitely interchangeable when it comes to these two.  At one point, I cared so much about their opinion because to disagree with them would lead to resistance and all sorts of twisting of facts, and manipulation.  They were always right, I'm always wrong - this is how it always was.  But lately - I am finding that voice is becoming less loud - and no deaf jokes, please. :P   

At least, now, if I'm wrong, I am going to figure it out on my own.  

Off for now.  Hoping all of you are doing well.

- Capulet



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