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Gordy

A blog by Gordy in General

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Blood is thicker than water

Gordy

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My daughter was born in 1990, She has a genetic disorder that causes profound mental handicaps , behavioral problems ,sleep disorders and she's nonverbal . IIRC they include her disorder in the autism spectrum now.

 But back then everybody just knew that all mentally handicapped children, except for down syndrome, were crack babies.

 We were asked constantly " So what drugs did your wife do when she was pregnant ?". We are asked that by teachers, law-enforcement ,random strangers and what really pisses me off by  people who should know better, medical professionals. 

She don't do any by the way. It was a genetic misprint at the moment of conception . 

 The idea that we were drug addicts , and we're not ,  caused us a great deal of trouble.  we continually fought with the school District CPS and eventually law-enforcement over the best way to raise our daughter . They just knew we were horrible people because we had a mentally  handicapped child . There has to be something wrong with us that they just haven't discovered yet . But they were gonna keep digging till they found it .

 And it eventually wound  up with us getting DOJ civil rights attorneys involved in it . They were putting together a tyranny under the color of authority lawsuit against the local school district and the local Police Department . 

  We were living off the grid at that time , they came out one day to discuss the case with us . And they told us we had a very good case and we would probably win but it would take years and the first thing the local authorities would do would be to take our children in retaliation . And that we probably never get them back . We were given two options, press the case , and they were more than happy to proceed with it or flee

 We fled. My family had moved back to the small town we grew up in. I have no idea why . So I thought when you're in trouble you could always run home to family .  I thought wrong . 

 We hadn't been there but a day when my mother and sister started trying to break our marriage up . My wife couldn't do anything right they were constantly sniping at her . Always trying to badmouth her to me , which I wouldn't allow . 

When I finally told my wife about the incest , she said that explained the weird ex-wife vibe she always got from my sister towards me 

 They couldn't stand the fact that my wife and children came before them . They wanted me ,back like in the day, where if they called I would drop everything and run to them to help . No.   I had people that took precedence over them.

 We were there for about 14 months , about three months in we decided we were moving back to Southwest . And they found out what our plans were . They called CPS , reported me for being a violent abusive drunk, reported my wife for being a drug addict and said we never fed the kids .   At that time I hadn't had a drink in 15 years ,my wife didn't do drugs and the children were quite well taken care of.

 It took the lady from CPS a day  to realize she been played.

 There was a few building code violations in the house we were renting , CPS said the kids couldn't stay there till I fixed them . So the kids went to stay with their aunt for a couple of days . My sister then called said that she was given full custody of my children and I was not allowed to speak with them or have them back until she decided that it was appropriate . I, in the middle of a nervous breakdown ,called CPS to find out what the hell is going on . Yeah that didn't happen , and they were very upset with my sister for saying that . They bent over backwards to help us , broke a couple of  their own rules and got the kids back to me the next day . 

 I feel , no matter what memories I do eventually recover of the CSA that happen to me when I was a child , this was worse than anything E did to me. I have forgiven my sister for everything that happened when we were children. But I will never forgive her for this . 

 I worked at the shop my brother worked at and when I called to tell him I need a couple of days off to fix the code violations , he refused me the time off . So I quit , he backed up real fast and gave me the time off . 

 Now this went on for a couple of months , finally one day I called my brother up trying to find out what the hell is going on .  and he told me just to go along with it , that mom and my sister were really determined to break our marriage up. That whole blood is thicker than water thing . Just divorce my wife , put my mentally handicapped Daughter in a cage to be drugged for the rest of her life , and send my wife and son back to her hometown . No ,not just no ,but fuck no . 

 During that phone conversation I said something to him that makes me think things were a lot worse than I remember when we were kids , that the abuse ,the incest , and like I said I'm beginning to believe sexual abuse from E was a lot more pervasive than I remember .

I said " well maybe I just tell CPS all our secrets so she will understand why you guys are doing this to me."

 He dropped into a rage , telling me that if I did that we all have stuff we would lose . I told him if I lost my wife and children I got nothing to lose . 

 He didn't know it at the time that I have very few memories of our childhood . We never talked about it so the subject never came up.

 And all three of them backed off , oh they were mad and they hated my guts but they backed off . I really didn't care , I just wanted out of that state and I didn't care what it took . 

  As we were leaving  the muffler of the vehicle I had bought to move us fell off , I picked it up threw it in the back and waited till I crossed state lines before I stopped to fix it. And every time we crossed a state line on our way back to the southwest my wife would look at a map pick the nearest town and say well if we break down here, this is where we'll live. Lol

 Well after many adventures , we made it . I called my family up to let them know we made it , and they immediately started tearing in to me . How could I do this to them, I was horrible ,my wife was horrible, we are just the worst people on the planet . 

 I tried to stay in contact with them, I would called to tell them how everything was going but the anger and hatred coming from them was continuous  . So one day I called my brother up , to see if he could pass on that we were fine . And his wife answered the phone . And immediately began ripping into me . The decision to never speak to them again was completed before the phone touched its cradle . 

 I didn't speak to them for 17 years , a little bit more than a year ago my brother got a hold of me on Facebook and told me my mother had multiple strokes and was probably going to die . So I agreed start speaking to him and my mother again . But not my sister . 

BTW the whole quote of blood is thicker than water is 

" The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb".

 There are several different interpretations of this , but the one I go with is the family we make is more important than the family we are born into .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 Comments

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matts

That's rough. I can't believe your family did that. I'm sorry.

My daughter is also disabled, and when we were young parents nearly every physical therapist, nurse, intern, doctor, and social worker subtly questioned us on our parenting. Her disability is genetic, and they certainly knew better than to imply that it had anything to do with the pregnancy or our child raising skills. It was demeaning and worrying-- what if one of these people decides we don't pass their little test? We got a lot of latitude because we fit their positive prejudices and assumptions: we are white, wealthy, and can talk fancy/sciencey-- and the social workers encoded that in their reports. But we worried about other parent's experiences, how easily do these people turn on parents who live in a crappy apartment, or whatever other ways of not fitting their positive stereotypes, and make their life hell?

And oh my god I got so frustrated in a few long hospital stays, where every new shift nurse and intern would pull that. My kid is in crisis and they want to subtly 'check' if something is wrong with my wife or I, if we are drug addicts or completely incompetent flakes -- because, like you say, they apparently believe disabled children are caused by something the parents are doing wrong.

Edited by matts
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Gordy

It's not as bad now due to all the autism awareness. But back then it was just a freaking nightmare.

We would be stopped by random people who would ask us that. One of the first people we took her into implied that we were brother and sister.

And we definitely didn't fit the positive assumptions,while we are white, we were poor,she is bipolar manic depressive, while I can do the scientific Tech talk I lack social skills, we are non-christians and both of us have problems with authority.

 But that was the cause celeb back in the day. 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Gordy
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