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Gordy

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More memories from the beginning

Gordy

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When I was very young  at the apartments we lived in when E and M first got married. I was maybe 2 or 3 years old. E aftershave got spilled. one of us dumped it down the toilet  .I believe he used aqua Velva aftershave . That's the first time I recall him lining us up naked for interrogation.

After much yelling on his part  it was decided I did it. Hell I might've . I was laid across his lap naked and spanked.

 I'm getting flashes of other times I was beaten for something . 

 I think that's when I started being blamed for everything that us kids did to anger him, because I was so small he would just use his open hand on me . Fists and  the belt would come later . As I got older and the level of violence increased it was just the way we did things . 

  my wife went and bought a container of Aqua Vega aftershave, smell is a good way to recall memories . I had it for about a month now and I will admit I am a little concerned of what will happen when I smell it . 

 I have a memory of him either pushing M or punching her and knocking her down the stairs. She hit the wall so hard she put her head through it . these were apartments that were built previous to 1968 , so it wouldn't have been sheet rock. It would have been Lathe and plaster. That's considerably more solid then sheet rock. She's had multiple back surgeries since then . I remember from the first house her being in a full body cast . I can't help but wonder this is when the back problems started . 

 I've always had the impression that my introduction into human sexuality was I caught the two of them having sex and he made me stand there and watch . I believe more then once. One of my "kinks" is watching people have sex. Not voyeurism but being in the same room and them aware I am there. But that also could be because of the Games. 

 I remember me and my brother playing outside after dark , and him telling me to start looking at the apartments across the way so we could watch people having sex through the windows.

 Like I said I was very young I hadn't started Kindergarten yet , I don't believe he started kindergarten. This was the late 1960s . I believe that it would be unusual for children this young at ,that time, to be aware of sex. 

I remember the 3 of us bathing together.

 We were highly sexualized as children, I remember during one of the games on our first farm J said that we couldn't put our penises in her because she was worried we would pee and get her pregnant. I would have been 7 or 8. This was way before sex education at schools. I don't remember the birds and the bees talk but we were aware ,vaguely, of how babies were made.

I did manage to recall a holiday, I remember getting lost on Halloween when we were out trick or treating. There's no real emotion attached to that memory ,  I remember later in the marriage when he would go on one of his rages or start pounding on me, I would pick a spot just pass his head and stare at it . I believe that even that young I was starting to disassociate with what was going on around me 

 I'm getting flashes of mundane things too. Getting the old school bowl haircut. Playing. Things like that.

 I don't remember the move from the apartments to the first house . there are still great big chunks of my childhood missing but I'm working on it .

 

 

 



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