Since I talked to my brother I had a few more flashes come out.
We lived in a house, I believe it was the 2nd farm, that had a basement with a real low ceiling. I was probably only 7 or 8 and my head just barely cleared the joists.
I liked playing down because E don't like going down there becuase it was so low.
Because I was down there alone I think just me and him were home. I remember him angrily yelling for me to come up. I remember seeing him at the top of the stairs outlined by the brighter light behind him and I remember fear.
I remember we were visiting M parents in a different state. And my sister and a different girl were putting on a lesbian show for us boys. I can't remember the time frame.I think she was 12/14 E wouldn't have been there so I guess by now it was how we played together.
I remember us taking bathes together. At the first house. Washing each other, with E in the room. That would make me about 4 or 5 A 5 or 6 and J 7 or 8.
I remember at the 1st house we have a fort built out of sheets on the clothes line in the back yard. An adult would of had to build it as we were to small. we were playing I show you mine if you show me yours. I think with the neighbor kids. I walked out, for whatever reason and caught E standing there. He was so angry. I, believe now because I caught him peeping.
I think we weren't allowed to play with these kids after awhile. I remember their father telling us to go home because J took her shirt off. He was uncomfortable with that.
I really don't remember having friends other then E nephews after that. I had school friends but I don't remember going to their house or them coming to ours.
I do remember going to spend the to night at a friend's house once. But I can't recall ever doing it again.
I mentioned on a thread that we had an abandoned heating oil tank in a basement at a house we lived at. Every time I smell the smell of heating oil I think sex.
It was the house we lived in town after E left. M worked nights and A and J were in Hi school so that the place they would have the keggars. They like getting the little 13/14 psychotic boy drunk and watching him go insane. At that time all I wanted to do was drink or die. I remember being in the basement with my brother. But not what happened or why we were down there. So I have to wonder if the games continued after E left.
On the net I come across a series of pictures of male rape victims holding up sign of thing their rapist said to them.
One of the sign said" All brother do this, it's called practicing" that freaked me out. What can't I remember and just had bad was it?