I surprised myself last night.
J and I had a much-needed date night. We were at dinner and we were conversing about some OT hours she wanted to pick up. I casually mentioned that Oompa was fully expecting ME to pay her a visit this month, as she was here last month. She had casually mentioned, "oh, and the 10th is a good day for me!" The 10th is THIS weekend.
No, thank you. I'm still somewhat infuriated with my mother for the bullshit she pulled in regards to my niece and nephew's birthday party and the inviting of her brother and the trying to rope my father into her plans to get him there. It was LAME and so WRONG of her - I just don't understand how she can be 'respectful of my feelings' sometimes (there was once a time when she had to answer a call from him when she was with me, and told me, 'don't worry, I won't tell him I'm with you'), then completely disregard them another time? She is PUSHING me, to see how much she can get away with - and then she's going to attempt to manipulate me on top of all of that by saying I shouldn't let that be the reason I don't come to my nephew's and niece's birthday celebration. "You wouldn't do that to them, would you?"
I do not want her to have any control over anything I do - she doesn't, but she certainly tries. Manipulation is her game - it's what she resorts to when she doesn't see any other way around it. So because she wants me to come on the 10th, I am NOT going on the 10th! I'm TIRED of bending for her!
Instead, I want to be pissed at her for a little bit longer. I'm not ready to drop this. She's likely noticed the side order of ice I've been giving her whenever she texts - she'll say how much she misses me, and my answer is always an underused, sometimes (purposely) misspelled 'me too/to.' But, do I really? No, I do not. I do NOT think she understands how angry this latest shenanigan of hers has made me. And until last night, I couldn't blame her too much, because I'd dropped it like a hot potato on the night she conversed with my father about it. The physical conversation ended abruptly when I expressed unhappiness over the whole thing, but the mental conversing is STILL ongoing. Despite additional stressors, this continues to be on my mind, and my mind refuses to shut up. Perhaps this means I need to NOT shut up, I need to start becoming more vocal.
As my niece will be turning 1 on the 20th of this month, I decided that I would be the one to say when I was coming to her neck of the woods (she lives about 15 minutes further away from my sister) and first texted my sister to tell her that I wanted to see my niece for her actual birthday - the dual party for her and her brother is taking place at the end of March. I asked my sister if the 23rd was okay with her. She said yes. THEN I texted Oompa to let her know I was going to come see my niece closer to her actual birthday, we would do lunch at my sister's house. She could come see me there. I didn't say this bit, but I'd rather come see the nieces and nephew than my mother. THEM, I'll make a monthly trip for - because THEY are innocent in all of this - and there is SO much love in my heart for those beautiful children who call me Auntie.
"You ARE still coming for their party at the end of March, right?" Was the first thing Oompa asked.
"Yes," I texted her back, "I'm NOT happy about the surprise guest you sprung on me, but I'm coming for the kids."
She then said, "Well, we don't even know if he's going to feel up to coming." (Again, he's this miserably unhealthy S.O.B. - bad knees, bad heart, diabetes, high blood pressure, probably a bunch of other maladies or things wrong with him, not including mentally - so yeah, by all means, let's invite an unhealthy, unstable man to a kiddy party! What a wonderful idea!)
"NOT the point," I told her, "He shouldn't have been invited, and Dad shouldn't have been asked to go pick him up."
She then tried to say something along the lines of, 'well, I'LL pick him up, I just needed your father to drop him back off...."
I told her it was a 'waste of time.'
And it is. A waste of her time, my father's time, MY time. Because I really, REALLY would have liked to have gone to my nephew's and niece's birthday party without the added stress of having to make sure he wasn't staring at them or at my daughter with those disgusting eyes of his - because I just might have to kill him.
Oompa didn't respond to that text, nor did she say anything more after that. I wonder if my assertiveness offended her - because this is not something she's used to - she's NOT used to being told off, nor of control being taken from her. And believe me - being told she was wrong or that something she did was wrong IS akin to ripping the control from her hands. Because now, things aren't going so well for her, are they? Now she has to figure out how to make this right.
I don't care. I don't feel bad, I don't feel as if I'm out of line, or I'm wrong about this. I spoke up. I stood my ground. I let her know I was angry. This is extremely unordinary of me - I am usually the type to shrug things off, an 'it is what it is' type of girl. Anger is hard for me to express; one of those learned behaviors I'd mastered - suppression - always seems to kick in whenever I am made angry. Well - I am proud to say that this is something I am more actively trying to change - when I'm angry, I need to make others aware of it, even if it isn't convenient for them. It may take me some time to do so, but - it's progress.
THIS was a win - regardless of whether this piece-of-shit shows up - I still made my anger known. I was not afraid of 'not being nice' and I expressed anger and disappointment. I've yet to yell at my sister for inviting him - but I'm not entirely sure my mother didn't have a hand in this. This entire situation SMELLS of my mother - and my sister could have been manipulated into inviting him, herself. She, like my father, could very well have been a pawn in my mother's game/attempt to involve her brother - she claims the invitation was my sister's idea, but I'm not so sure she didn't PLANT the idea in the first place.
Anyway, Small victory. In this battlefield we call life, there are so many little wars we have to endure - whether we are at war with ourselves or with others - and these sweet victories add up. Slowly. Sometimes they're hard to notice, but they're there.
Will keep you all posted on this. For now, eyes are closing on me. Hoping everyone is doing well this week.
All my best.