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Blind stupid persistence.



I fully intend on continuing this voyage of self discovery.  I am very goal orientated, and my goal is to know, to the best of my ability to remember. 

It was decades ago 1 TBI and me trying very hard not to remember. So a lot may just be suspicions and vague impressions.

As most know on this page PTSD charges the structure of the brain. And the way it remembers trauma.

Some of me trying not to remember all the CSA is they blamed me. And I believed them. That I was just wrong. That I was a thing that should be grateful they tolerate me. Yes I know that's a symptom of PTSD. Then I didn't know that. And they took full advantage of that.

From the time the marriage ended till my final suicide attempt after the gangrape, I was a violent self destructive alcoholic. Think of all the worst symptoms of PTSD mix it with Jack Daniels. 



I can't ask my Mother because she is 77, had several Strokes She was highly trained medical professional and now simple medical terms are hard for her to pronounce. Why put her though it.

My sister is a narcissist, a drug addict and a petty Thief who stole all my mother's money after she started to get sick. I will never speak to her again.

And my brother will lie. 


If it turns out that I was E cumdump then so be it. I suspect that after my brother was physically able to I was his. Till one of E nephews got a license then all of them stopped interacting with me. They feed me and give me the bare minimum of care necessary to keep me alive. I scared them.








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Aw, @Gordy, I am all for you doing and saying whatever serves you, but please know that I hope you’ll get to a place that you don’t need to call what you are doing blind or stupid.  Maybe brave and determined?  Resolved and courageous???  F-you and bad**s???

Edited by Hoping8

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 it's a joke me and my wife has that my defining trait is just blind stupid persistence. I'm too dumb to know when I'm whoop.LOL one of our family mottos is persistence in the face of futility .

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