I been told that trying to remember what happen when I was a child is a bad idea. That it's better to just let it lay. Well , me being me, I have to know. Damn the torpedoes Full Speed Ahead.

I am a 55 year construction worker, I have been married to my wife for 30 years. She is a polar/manic depressive. Which she refuse to treat till about 10 years ago. We have a 28 year old profoundly mentally handicapped child.

I physically sexually and psychologically abused starting at about 2 years old by my stepfather and elder siblings.a brother who was 18 months older and a sister 2.5 years older.

I suffered a TBI at about 8. Begin drinking at about 10 and attempted suicide for the first time about then.

I tried to hang myself, my sister cut me down and it was never mention again.

At about 11/12 I atemptted to killed my stepfather. The marriage between him and my Mother was over within days.

My sister tracked down my real father and we moved in with him.

At around 16, as a full-blown alcoholic, I was molested my a friend's uncle. 

At 20 while out party with some friends we get separated. I started talking to a guy buying me drinks. I don't know if he dosed me or drunk me under the table but when I come to I had a guy at both end. I blacked out again. The next thing I remember I was staggering into the bathroom. I don't believe rubbers were used. One followed me in. Telling me what a great lay I was and trying to kiss me. I put my hand through the bathroom mirror.

I know there was two, I believe there was at least 3 has I heard one talking to some One while the 2 if us were in the bathroom.

I crawl even deeper into bottle , over a 2/3 month period I dropped about 25lbs and wound up in the hospital because my heart stopped. 

I atemptted suicide after that .almost worked was place on a 72 hour hold and released.

I quit drinking for 15 years after that. I very rarely drink now and only in carefully controlled environments.

The reason I started this blog is to write down what I can remember. Read it and try to remember more.