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Never Good Enough

Dahliaa

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Told I didn't matter. By my father no less. This is an old memory, I don't know why I still remember it. He told me once that if he and my mother had only had ten kids. Then, it wouldn't have mattered if I ran away. It wouldn't matter if I fucked up royally since they'd have ten, precious children who wouldn't have done the things I did. I'll never be good enough for them, will I? I'll never be good enough for anyone and maybe that's okay. I'll be alone, with a revolving door for people to come in and go out. Perhaps I like it better that way. I never want to hear someone say those words again. "you're not good enough". 



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I've noticed that the whole way a family system functions is by power imbalance. I'm in charge you aren't. People don't get a lot of power in life so if you come to someone with a problem where there is a power imbalance between you they will just demonstrate their rank. If you find people where there isn't a big power imbalance, they will treat you better. That's why many survivors don't speak to family.

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10 hours ago, GaleH said:

I've noticed that the whole way a family system functions is by power imbalance. I'm in charge you aren't. People don't get a lot of power in life so if you come to someone with a problem where there is a power imbalance between you they will just demonstrate their rank. If you find people where there isn't a big power imbalance, they will treat you better. That's why many survivors don't speak to family.

Yep. So many people in my life have reiterated that. It's gotten to the point where I don't depend on anyone so I don't get let down. I've been dragging my feet about cutting them off. 

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On 12/13/2018 at 1:44 PM, Dahliaa said:

Yep. So many people in my life have reiterated that. It's gotten to the point where I don't depend on anyone so I don't get let down. I've been dragging my feet about cutting them off. 

Yeah it's a good idea. Just go no contact. Block off phone and email and Facebook. Some people do it slowly so it's not so obvious or abrupt. But yeah it feels better. Don't give in to guilt you are the most important person in your life 

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