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His, Always Will Be His

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teleah

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This weekend hubby is in town so we are working on me being present during relations and most of the weekend it has been pleasurable for both of us but this afternoon as I tried to be held, all I could hear was his TW.......instructions how to please him with my mouth and my heart broke, am so defeated, working so hard and his voice is still there reminding me, I will always be  his, he owns a deep part of me, my first kiss, my first touch, my first time and no matter what i do that will never be mine, he took that and it is his . The only way I can see this changing, finding peace from this is not being here anymore, not being here to foolishly believe my mind, my body is not his after 19 years of being abused. I do not know how to accept he owns those sacred parts of me, i do not know how to get through this anymore, how can i be a loving wife, when a part of me will always be his. teleah

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Sorry you're going through this @teleah I personally do not believe you belong to anyone other than yourself, no matter what your abuser did. You are still a loving wife, no matter what. No matter how you've been feeling. Safe hugs :hug: 

Edited by Dahliaa

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 Thank you ((((((Dahliaa)))))) found out today that hubby is going to work even farther away, this has caused me to go back to being that manipulated scared 10 year old trying to get her dad to come back in, not leave us, my mom said if he did not come back she would lay down and die, believing her with my whole heart, desperate for him to save me, mom,TW.... I reached out for his lap and ended up pleasing him in his car, in the driveway, he came in and stayed that night but in the morning he left as we slept, I feel like I will always be ten, desperate for someone to save me, always be his. I was desperate this weekend and tried so hard to get hubby to stay and fight for me, for us, but he left anyway and now will be gone for another long period and i am still his, he is still in my head as the man i could not get to love me enough to stay and fight for me and my mom, thanks for listening, teleah

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