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I want to die

CrimsonRegrets

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I don't understand why people keep living. I don't get it. I don't know why they do things or why they enjoy things. I enjoy nothing. I'll have a brief moment of respite only for it to come back again. Just this horrible feeling like my insides are rotting away and I'm slowly dying. Life isn't worth living like this but I'm too afraid to kill myself. I wish I could. I feel like i would be better off. Life is just too hard. I don't really believe that things get better. I think they can but life's problems and difficulties never really go away. Especially for people who don't have money it's even harder. And i don't think this pain inside over what's been done to me and how the world is and how screwed up people are it'll never truly go away. I'm having to carry a burden that feels to heavy to bear. And i have no one to really talk to about this. Even on here I still feel alone and isolated. People respond to my post and then that's it. Im back to being alone again. It's all just pointless. 

And i don't trust anyone. I've seen what passes as normal these days I honestly want nothing to do with anyone. And people are just so hateful and there are so many double standards and so much hypocrisy. I feel exhausted by it all. And my brain never stops I just obsess and over analyze everything, it never stops. I'm sick of it.

I want to die.



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You are not alone in how you feel. That sums up how I feel exactly. But....we need to keep going...because people love us.

Remember you are NOT alone. 

Keep posting, keep posting....be ok. 

I (we) will listen and understand. There are lots of people who are genuine. xxx

Message and post me anytime.

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I am so sorry you are feeling this way. May I ask if you are on medication? I say this because I was there and my doctor changed my meds and I am feeling better now. I wonder if you could get some relief that way. I also don't know how you feel about therapy, but it has been a lifesaver for me. I go weekly. 

Please don't ever be afraid to reach out for help when you need it. 1-800-656-4673 is for RAINN, and there is 1-800-273-8255 to talk to someone when you are feeling suicidal. These are available 24/7. We are here, too. 

:throb:

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For me it helps to remember if all good things come to an end, So do all Bad things come to an end. I know it's easy said than to do but I say often to myself and it helps me.

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I just trying to start, but nothing coming out. It is so hard to talk about myself. I hate it. But got to try.

All of this happened so many years ago. Some of it I was a little girl  some I was a you women. Some I was married,

But all is like jammed in me and its hard to talk about. It problem is not as bad as a lot of you. 

I was 5 when my grand father used to come into the bathroom where my twin sister and I had the touching done. I don't need to say more.

When I told my mother she said, your grand father just wants to play with you. So from that day on I always  kept everything to myself.

It seems I might have come to the conclusion very young.

I was molested more than my turn but different people through the ears.. It seems I was a target for that. Will be back another day.

I had been sent to Hospital under observation, because of my Suicide attempt foiled  when I was in my early 20's. they kept me only 48 hours

but a 48 hours I could never forget. On that last day there a so called Psychiatric Dr. decided he wanted to test me to see if I was ok. The was to get in back of me a grab with is 2 hands and molested me by grouping me. I sounded very normal and not like a patient and noticed I was aware of what he was doing and signed my release. I kept this to myself for  at least till a was 60 years old. I am a 70 year old women that still feels disgusted with anyone who touches me, weather it be y hand, my arm leg any where, wish exception my Husband, Thank God for him in my life. I will go on with my abuses. I was raped by my first husband that made me feel dead inside of me and those feeling I steel remember them so well. there are other times on the job sexual harassments where I reported it and lost my job. other times married men that I thought were friends groped me. I truest no man. except my second husband. I wish blessed with him. I actually I am glad I did this right now. I can not believe how it all just flowed out. thank you.

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I am new to this site but when I read your post here, I felt like you were reading my mind. I don't see the point either...except it would damage my daughter. How can I inflict hurt on someone else? I hate this...I really do and right now I am totally consumed in a depressive state that I can't function. That hurts my family too. 

A no-win situation...

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