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I feel like I screwed up

pohi

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It's been quite some time since I've been on here or posted much. After I remembered everything, I felt like shit, was depressed, unmotivated and all I wanted was to move on from the trauma I experienced in my past. I am have been in therapy for this whole process. My husband and I where in the process of moving, I was dealing with the healing process from my trauma and finding a place to live. It felt like too much. So I made the decision to not focus on the trauma in therapy for quite some time. Mainly because I had thought ”I don't want to feel like this if I just ignore it ill feel better”. My thoughts were correct at first, I felt great. My husband and I found a place to live and got settled in. When I didn't have the move to focus on, I started thinking about my sexual assault again, going through the events in my head over and over again. I have been depressed for weeks. My therapist believes that since I left the work on the trauma unfinished, that I still need to process the trauma and finish what I started in the healing process. 

 

I feel SO foolish, I would be feeling better already if I hadn't made the choice to stop talking about the trauma in therapy for so long. I'm not going to give up again. I'm going to do everything I can to feel better and move on. I hate that I made that decision to do everything I could to avoid thinking about it and to stop the healing process...



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