I thought that I could escape this, escape being a victim of sexual assault and abuse, but it never feels like I can.
There are seminars about assault, they are required and important but every time I listen I feel trapped and diminished. These seminars paint assault and abuse as something that can be easy to diagnose, and all you need is good friends.
I can't even think, my mind goes dark and I slip into the spiral of my mind.
"Did my friends just think I deserve it?"
"Did I just want it"
"Why didn't I just say no?"
First off, no they don't, no you didn't you were 13, and lastly you did you screamed it but eventually, you stopped because it was easier than the consequences that followed.
But that logic doesn't exist once you are triggered all that goes out the window.
Am I being too sensitive? Is this normal? What am I supposed to do?