I am officially all moved back. Libra and I have talked around some of his mental health issues, but not to the level I want. I understand he's not ready yet. But I'm not letting that get to me right now.
Moving was so good and refreshing. I rearranged my room and didn't bring any unnecessary clutter and I'm feeling so ready to start this last semester and move forward with my education and life. I am starting to get stressed about my own time management (already), because working 2 jobs, taking 15 credits, being a TA for a freshman lab, doing research, and applying/finishing up requirements for grad school is going to be a lot to handle. Sometimes writing out everything I need to do is helpful, and sometimes it makes the anxiety of time management worse. I just need to stay ahead and keep myself going.
I'm going to start up my free therapy again through the school. However, I didn't really enjoy my last therapist. She felt somewhat condescending, even though her information online says she specializes in sexual trauma- and she is the only one who specializes in this at my university. I can't tell if it was just my foggy mental health last semester that made me think she was condescending, or if it was actually her attitude towards the sessions. I also don't want to get another therapist involved (I only get 10 free sessions), because then I have to spend at least 3-5 sessions getting familiar with her and getting her adjusted to my situations and stories. This is something I've been tossing around in my head for a while now and I can't schedule a session until I've decided. I also think it might benefit just to go in and try with her again, since I know I'm in a different mindset now than I was when we last saw each other.
My new roommates got us off on the wrong foot too, which was extremely upsetting for me. I have a rabbit and they were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of having him in the living room (large pen, cannot fit in my room), but they hadn't even moved in and seen him yet. It was all over text, and I felt really overwhelmed by the idea of having to keep him in a smaller cage that isn't healthy for him. I really find a lot of comfort in having my rabbit and he gives me a sense of responsibility when I can't take care of myself, without the full-time commitment of having a dog. He's not a registered ESA but my apartment allows me to have him since he is caged. I know this is their space too and I don't know why I got so irrationally upset about it, but I almost went into an anxiety attack at the thought that they would threaten getting rid of him or having the apartment make me remove him. I know this won't happen because he is completely legal, but my mind went into a whirlwind of "what if's". I just have a hard time understanding how he doesn't make everyone else as happy as he makes me. I can't imagine not having him in this time of my life.
I also told my friend more details about what happened. She knows I have PTSD, but I told her what the trauma was and a basic idea of who/what/when. I did this over text and was able to handle the situation and my emotions very well. I'm happy with myself for being open with her about it. If I can tell more people, I can eventually make it something I can talk about without getting pushed over the emotional edge and spiraling again.
Well, I'm going to go back to organizing my things for class and relaxing while I can. I'm very excited for this semester and new transition in my life.
"11 blocks from my door to your doorstep
Three years later and it feels too close"