When will i feel safe in my shower, my bath ? When will sleep not be my number one enemy ? When will a trigger just be a part of a gun ? When will I not hate myself for letting others get hurt ? When will i start protecting myself and not them ? When will i feel like a full sexual wife that does not shy away from his touch, his need ? When will i not hate myself for believing he ever loved me, i was anything but a doll to him ? When will his voice fade, not haunt my nights, my thoughts, my ears as i brush my hair ? When will i feel like a capable mom, find my voice and believe i deserve to be heard by her ? When will i look in the mirror and see a 48 year old woman not his little girl ? and When will this get better, when will i feel peace safety confidence faith in myself ? When will i heal, be whole again ?, please tell me when ?