I've been doing a lot of reading around on here and I really enjoy it. I think it's good for me. It's great to finally have someone else that isn't Libra or my mom comment back about my thoughts- and them actually understand.
I went home this last weekend and felt a lot of built up anger towards my mom, and was open with her for the first time about how some of her words have made me feel. I didn't tell her the extent, because I don't want to worry her, but at least she's aware now that I don't feel in control and I'm doing my best to be in control. One of the only things I liked that I heard in therapy was "How do you gain your power back?". I still don't really know the answer to the question, but I try every day to find something else that gains my power back. Assuming the depression lets me do anything after I get out of work besides laying in bed and watching youtube until I fall asleep.
Tomorrow is my SA's birthday. I already had to scroll quickly on Facebook passed his mom's post. She's such a good woman, I don't know what happened that made him so terrible. He's going to be 21, which means when I go back to school we could end up at the same bar. If we end up drunk at the same bar, do we end up back where it left off last? I couldn't let that happen. Libra wouldn't let that happen. My friends won't let that happen. I think that's why I need to tell more of my friends. Drunk me doesn't feel the same hurt that sober me does, and she doesn't know what she gets sober me into.
I don't know where I'm going with this. My thoughts are so scattered. But I guess that's all I have for today.
"She told me all doors are open to the believer,
I believe her, I believe her, I believe her"
-Patricia//Florence & the Machine