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So far so good.

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I've been doing a lot of reading around on here and I really enjoy it. I think it's good for me. It's great to finally have someone else that isn't Libra or my mom comment back about my thoughts- and them actually understand.

I went home this last weekend and felt a lot of built up anger towards my mom, and was open with her for the first time about how some of her words have made me feel. I didn't tell her the extent, because I don't want to worry her, but at least she's aware now that I don't feel in control and I'm doing my best to be in control. One of the only things I liked that I heard in therapy was "How do you gain your power back?". I still don't really know the answer to the question, but I try every day to find something else that gains my power back. Assuming the depression lets me do anything after I get out of work besides laying in bed and watching youtube until I fall asleep.

Tomorrow is my SA's birthday. I already had to scroll quickly on Facebook passed his mom's post. She's such a good woman, I don't know what happened that made him so terrible. He's going to be 21, which means when I go back to school we could end up at the same bar. If we end up drunk at the same bar, do we end up back where it left off last? I couldn't let that happen. Libra wouldn't let that happen. My friends won't let that happen. I think that's why I need to tell more of my friends. Drunk me doesn't feel the same hurt that sober me does, and she doesn't know what she gets sober me into. 

I don't know where I'm going with this. My thoughts are so scattered. But I guess that's all I have for today.

"She told me all doors are open to the believer,
I believe her, I believe her, I believe her"
-Patricia//Florence & the Machine

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Congrats on your new blog. :)  

And your success with your Mom.  That's amazing - I'd say you had a very productive weekend! How are you feeling?  I know that while it's great, it can feel overwhelming at times. 

Honored to be your first comment. I have to agree this is a great place to find so much support, acceptance and compassion - it's a place where no one will judge you for your failures, we celebrate your successes with you - we simply care.  And I'm truly glad you've found AS and that you're beginning to focus on your recovery - you're worth it!

Take gentle care.

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@Capulet and @Survivor0509Thank you both! I’m feeling pretty okay despite the circumstances today. Been treating myself and overall having a positive day. Avoiding social media has helped. Hope you’re both doing well :)

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