i just seen him...
i was reading my post about what he did to me that night an it felt like everything froze i started to get dizzy so i closed my eyes for a minute an open them an he was right there at the side of the kitchen table so close to me ... staring at me getting closer an closer he starting saying
i kept closing my eyes then i put my music in an blasted it an opened my eyes again an he was there an looked at me disappointed trying to grab my wrist i tried talking an screaming but i couldn't finally it came out :
MOM! MO- MOM!!!
my mom came rushing in an he still stayed i felt so trapped he usually would go away i seen my mom but couldn't hear her :
tears streaming down my face then he got a extremely angry look on his face let go of my wrist an said FINE!an i closed my eyes when i opened them he was gone an i just cried harder an my mom slowly brought me into her arms saying find your 5 senses trinity find your 5 senses say them to me
i i can hear your voice
i can smell my mint gum
i can see my dr pepper
i can feel your cotton shirt its soft
i can taste my mint gum
i started to breath again an rubbed my eyes...
after that i felt so useless .. i thought i was doing good i feel so helpless its been 3 days an i haven't seen you why do you show up now.. it litterly drains all the energy from me you never change your outfit always the same a black hanes cotton tee shirt black basketball shorts with a lime green strip down both sides an shoes black an red brand sketchers..
there has gotta be something wrong with me ... my PTSD doesn't take any steps forward just 10 steps back...