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I can't sleep. I can never sleep. All summer I haven't been able to sleep. This could be either due to a certain "anniversary" or because my sister is always around while I'm trying to sleep. I can't sleep with someone awake around me. I don't know why.

I also can't sleep without backround noise. And I have to be hugging something. A blanket, a pillow. Doesn't matter. I always need a fan. Even in the winter I turn it on so it's really cold. 

On nights where I'm hot I have nightmares again. Sometimes they happen even when I'm comfortable. I always get anxious at night. It usually takes weed or sleeping pills to knock me out. 

The other day I stayed up till 8 AM and slept through the whole day till 3 PM. I feel like I miss out on so much but without school I don't have much to keep my sleeping patterns in check. 

I don't know what I'm writing about this. Probably because I'm tired and high. I don't know. 

This is really stupid. 

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No this is not stupid.  I struggle with sleep as well and it is a problem that affects many aspects of your life.   Not sure that this would work for you, but you might find a bedtime routine (I eat a snack, shower, read) helpful.  I have also found it very helpful to respect my triggers.  I would do all those things you listed needing to do to sleep and not feel guilty about it...I make going to bed as stress free as possible.  I slept on my couch in a sleeping bag for the better part of two years now and recently it has gotten much better by not pushing any of it at all. Anniversaries are hard, and certain weather and sleeping positions are also problems. I also think it is entirely understandable to have problems sleeping with another person awake in the room. 

I am sending you wishes for sleep before the sun comes up, at least for tonight.

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