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The War Around Me, The War Inside Me

hayatee

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When people tell me that I have my whole life ahead of me, that I shouldn´t give up because it gets better, I tell them that I don´t want to think about my future because I really don´t think I have something good waiting for me. These 20 years I have lived have been filled with sorrow and pain. Not that I haven´t felt happiness and I do have good memories. But I know I will never be happy again. I am forever caught in a battle between choosing my freedom and hurting my family or choosing my family and losing the little self-respect I actually have left.

I was accused of being a w**re. Of hurting our family name, our honour and our pride. Because I was seen with boys, because I refused to live like them and obey their every demand. My crime was living my life and my punishment was being raped.

They said I was acting like a sl*t. I was a virgin when they raped me.

They have raped me four times now. Two guys. One of them is a distant relative. My uncle told him to do it. Most of my relatives know but they say I deserve it.

I can´t go to the police because they will tell my father and I will end up losing him. And they will hurt me again. So I am keeping it a secret. But it is ruining me. I am lonely, broken, and I have lost all hope. I hurt myself, I don´t live anymore. I just exist.



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OH MY GOD I am so sorry you are being hurt in such a brutal way. Have you tried telling someone who will not tell your family? Who doesn't have any ties to them? I don't know where you live but in the u.s. there are shelters for people in this situation that are safe havens. You probably already know that. Please if there is anything I can do please let me know. I know I don't actually know you, but I am more than willing to try and help.

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