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Beginning Again...



Well its been a very long while. Have to say Ive been avoiding being on here for many reasons. I got to a good place and felt I didn't need to be on here much. As with many things, my past came back. I admit I handled some areas better than I thought. For example, Ive always had this issue with bullies, not standing up for myself. Well before I started my new job (which I left because the guy there was a perv to women, especially teenage girls), I asked for a similar situation. I asked for it because I wanted a chance to have another opportunity to stand up for myself in the face of adversity. I have to say when you put your energy out to the universe, things do come true. Well, I got my wish. It was easy to see the similarities, not just with my past employers, but also with my birth mother. Long story short, I faced two people at once with patience, courage, and fearlessness. I felt 1000x better. I was and am proud of myself. I now know I can stand up for myself and be bold. 

Trouble came with the SA area. This has been my most difficult area to resolve thus the reason I haven't been on here much. It is triggering for me to see so many post about SA and r***. I don't know how to get through that other than to just stay away. But, I miss the connections Ive formed on here at the same time. Then I feel like sh*t for not being there for others when they have been there for me. *deep sigh* So my best solution is to go back into therapy. This is make therapist number 7. This part is becoming tiring. Having to tell the stories all over again. Some say its therapeutic to say it out loud but for me it make me feel sh*ttier. But, I know its apart of the process of healing is being able to talk about it. So, I will try to make a conscious effort to come on here more and maybe to blog it out until I start therapy. Avoid all the triggering stuff, stay connected and work slowly. 

On this journey, I am at step 1 again in the SA category but may steps ahead in others. See ya on the next steps.


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