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#10 Riding The Roller-coaster

elisand

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Today we discovered something unbelievable. We were struggling with why when i feel I hurt someone etc. that I am terrible. Just before I'd been feeling great. Why does this catapult me to the bottom? It's like a roller-coaster. And it's not fun. I want stability. 

Example: I was feeling like a 9 out of 10 and then I was reprimanded and shoot down to a 3.

Here is the deal.

First of all, that I did something awkward should not tell me I'm terrible. So why do I feel that way? Cuz it brings my feelings that life is impossible and I'll never get out of it and that I am helpless etc. The truth is that I'm not where these feelings are. The episode brought me to feel this. It's like a bridge. This thing makes me feel a little guilty about what I did Then i jump to think about how I felt for so long so intensely.

Really there are many things happening that determine how I feel. like safety social and personal stuff. So even if something I do something weird that shouldn't tell me to feel a 3. There are other stuff going on like being safe and feeling good about hygiene etc. It should only be a part of my overall decision of how I'm feeling.

This may actually direct my reaction to the negative thing to a lesser feeling cuz as I mention I do know this isn't where I am. It's like blowing up the old bridge.



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so I tried it. something happened that made me feel down I told myself there are other stuff that are goin' good right now. I don't have to feel terrible just because of this.

It worked.

Only that it felt so so strange.

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So I talked with my therapist for a while. It is a very important topic. We talked about acknowledging what happened. Deciding how much it should affect my life. And a lot of the pain is about that it reminds me of the pain I've gone through. Sometimes whatever happened could be a reason to feel down; it has to be something that affects what i have now in a big way. This is hard to put to words. I hope no-one feels hurt by it.

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